Becoming Self-Empowered

Five Toxic Words NOT to Say

Should – Ought to – Need to - Have to - Must

These five words can be toxic in that they do not create a sense of self-empowerment; rather they can produce a feeling of guilt, resentment, and hopelessness.

Three ways to empower yourself

1. Be aware and pay attention to the words you say. Are you saying any toxic words to yourself or others?

2. When you catch yourself saying a toxic word, mentally throw the word into a fire and let it burn to ashes. Do this every time you hear yourself utter a toxic word.

3. Purposely and with awareness use the words could, choose, and want.

When you are aware that your behavior or circumstances are harmful to you or someone else, using these toxic words may or may not motivate you to change your behavior or circumstances. The goal is to change your behavior by becoming self-empowered and changing your situation from the inside out, not by being forced to by outside influences.

For example if your current situation warrants a major change, telling yourself you should, ought to, need to, have to, or must do this or that, will likely cause you anxiety and produce little change. Instead, after considering all options for your current situation, write down the following:

1. Things you could do;

2. Things you choose to do; and

3. What you want to do.

By doing this you are becoming more self-empowered and developing the ability to create what you want to create in your life. Sometimes, however, you may want something; but you are not willing to choose the course of action to achieve your desire, but at least you are taking responsibility for your situation. The act of taking personal responsibility for yourself promotes personal growth, which is itself a sense of self-empowerment.